Here I sit
content
surrounded I am by those who know
THE MAN I AM
and accept me for the
beautiful
fractured
faulty
Dee-fiant proud Black man
I have finally become
the smoke of my vanity tossed onto the bonfire
glows red like the envy of those who seek to be me
yet refuse to confront the reality
of their mypoic vision
with a gem gutter's precision
I have shaped my black diamond heart into a pendant
I wear with honor
with an assassin's 20/10 vision
I received permission to destroy the old D'ee
what I was
or rather,
what you claimed I chose to be
with an emancipator's descision
I have broken free of rusted chains
to reclaim
my name
and refocus my aim
free of derision and pain
and now finally I am surrounded by those who know
THE MAN I AM
No declaration of love is needed
for we noble few seeded
ghetto fields once barren and devoid of life
no wife
ex or current
no deterrent
can break our bond forged in the battles we have fought
and survived
so my brothers
continue to imbibe
while I scribe
writing with blood captured when my heart leaked
7 days prior
from a desire
to be a fool
participating in an atmosphere of sycophantic erotic worship
never has that been me
for long ago I was told real men make love
to real women in secrecy
and tell only tales of devotion
of unconditional love and emotion
remember those
who were resold into bondage
the names we blasted on tenament walls as a remembrance
rest in peace brave soldiers
you were much bolder
than I
your only fault was believing in those professed love for you
but never bled at your side
when the rising tide
of deciet
was within mere feet
of our fortress of solitude
so what am I to conclude
as I sit with those who know
THE MAN I AM
Ghetto years akin to dog years
I am not 45
I am 215 years old give or take a leap year
what have we witnessed my brothers
the destruction of bonds
the exile of trust
the taste of acrid dust
the bile of misplaced lust
the Utopian dream of Camelot fictitious
as the swords we thrust
into a fantastical illusion
and despite these untimely intrusions
we could never lie
not while looking into our eyes
not reaching for the sky
not when our souls asked why
and not even when collectively we received nothing but questions
and the only answer was
the repression
of our natural selection
to be kings
the finer things
I have never sought
I never allowed my worth to be bought
or bartered
a self-starter
I have been time after time
and here finally is my reward
as I find
myself surrounded by those who know
THE MAN I AM
Not in words
not in blurbs
not in blogs
not in love senitment etched in logs
but in my devotion
in my emotions
in sterotypical notions
I have dispelled
hear me know
did I not live to tell
not in wishing wells
not in a damsel's fainting spell
but in the lofty place I reside
in Black Pride
in truth I relied
when through falsehood and rumor many
men have died
desptie
the sweet words whispered by women
who defied
the calling of angels to unite
and now I fight
not with pen
not to upend
not to pretend
not to bend
nor break
nor ever forsake
who I am and the promise of what I can be
I AM THE D'EE
yes indeed
I ponder much as I sit surrounded by those
who know
THE MAN I AM
The music of our shared birthright
lingerts upon this night
the suspicion of those outside
remains outside of our sphere
as we shed happy tears
and recall the years
apart
our hearts
filled with joy
as we recount the journey of a man
from a boy
each and every man present facing death by choice
our palms moist
with anxiety
as we
remember details
that would render even the spirit's pale
and yet
we refused to fail
refused to consign our fates to any man or woman's
Holy Grail
and yes
still our dreams do sail
for we finally have a comprehensive plan
such is my thoughts as I sit surrounded by those
who know
THE MAN I AM
They ask me
why 7 days prior did you not call
why did you choose to fall
alone
why not pick up the phone
why not roam
why did you not reach out to us brother
we heard your plaintive moans
but we know
you being the man you are
you willingly decided to spar
with the demon
but damn
you could have died
your brillaint mind could have been fried
your blessings could have been denied
dammit Brother D'ee
WHY!!!
I smile and respond quietly
because.....
I AM THE D'EE
and I knew instinctively
that my pain would have caused a malestrom of mayhem
to commence
you brothers know the Obeah blessed me
with a 6th sense
I am your brother
a man without pretense
densely
layered
I compare
to no man past, present or future
yes I admit my heart was bleeding
and I sutured
it on my own
and I have grown
to accept the dynamic force I represent
but without the time spent living
within the Hades
of my misery
I would not be here
at this very moment
surrounded by those who know
THE MAN I AM
A reluctant leader
I have always been
yet a friend I have been
in the end
my love and undying gratitude for the women I have met
such are my words of respect
for each and every one set
the bar higher
gave me goals to reach
and dreams to aspire
need I say
they inspired
me
to be D'ee
for I have confirmed some salutations
and outright denounced accusations
to secure my station
and pour libations
to the D'ee that once was
and hell yes
from this day forward refuse to be
for even those amongst me know not
the contant evading of shots
the mental rot
the boiling pot
the cauldron of discontent
that I refuse
and what did I have to use
as defense
for refusing to be sold out for sixpence
my mind
one shaped so formidably that it is illegal
in 50 states
a fate
only God can determine
a preternatual sense of vermin
who smile
and utter blaspemous betrayal
all the while
not knowing with guile
I file
away
the time, the place
the day
not for personal retribution
but for my absolution
have they despite their treason
put a halt to my elocution
my verbosity
speaks of a singular and spectacular curiosity
listen to me
as I speak this truth
the uncooth
must live with the absolute proof
of my rebirth
the reverse of their curse
the brothers who were not brothers
shall never find another soul sibling
like me
the women who thought so bold
to obtain a copyright
upon my my soul
have been sued
I have fought hard to retain control
of my being
thus
the man you are seeing
is an amalagamation
an independent declaration
of freedom personified
and for this man to be free
the old D'ee
had to die
and THAT is why
on this night
I sit amongst you my brethren
AM I NOT PROUD
AM I NOT BRILLIANT
AM I NOT DEDICATED
AM I NOT EMANCIPATED
THE WORLD HAD A FIRM GRASP
ON MY MANHOOD
AND I FOUGHT WITH FEROCITY
REFUSING TO BE CASTRATED
SO AM I NOT A SHINING EXAMPLE
THE EPITOME
OF WHO A BLACK MAN IS
AND WHAT A BLACK MAN SHOULD BE
YES
BY THE SPIRIT'S DECREE
I AM
AND FOREVER WILL BE
THE D'EE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR
FINALLY I HAVE ASSUMED MY RIGHTFUL PLACE
AND HAVE BEEN CROWNED A KING AMONG A SELECT FEW
I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN
TO REPRESENT THE BLACK MALE ESTHETIC
AND HERE I SIT
WITH MY FAMILY
COMFORTED TO BE AMONGST THOSE
WHO TRULY KNOW
THE MAN I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Poetry by D.Greaves/Darwin Greaves by D.Greaves-Darwin Greaves is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at dgreaves.posterous.com.
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