It's a Friday night
and here I am
Damn!
trying to recover enough mental ram
2 convince myself that I am myself
despite the last
22 hours
2 minuets
and 22 seconds
aka
the half life of a mental atomic bomb blast
but I'm real enough 2 know
ain't no flags gonna fly at half mast
not for a fool
they only make statues of them
with a gold tear placed
2 honor every tear he shed
right David Ruffin
that man sang that song like he once posed
4 the sculptor of the statue
I ain't posin 4 a damn statue
but I will seek a statute of limitations
on my heart's deprivation
maybe I will find a sympathetic judge
lest you be judged right baby
but right now you ain't worrying about me
you probably eating fudge
because
I was the one who said it's over
and why
I can't deny
once the words escaped my mouth
I wondered what the heck you sayin Dee
but yeah
it was me
see
I always prefer a quick death
2 a long drawn out homily
all that leaves is more animosity
than you're feeling right now
I was taught a man accepts
blame 4 being
it doesn't matter what his lady says
or what she is seeing
because anger makes a woman's eyes
lie
and say things she can't quantify
men have always said it's a woman being
emotional
and as a man you have two choices
smoke a dub
go 2 the club
and drown your pain
in the healing game
i.e.
find a femme
fuck a femme
or say
but that ain't me
I let my Playa Card expire
in my grandiose delusions
I thought
yes thought
despite my obvious faults
that I was represneting
the
Black Male Aesthetic
or more accurately defined as
the study of sensori-emotional values
Big azz VAL on the youse
sometimes called judgement of sentiment
i.e.
being a predator is easy
4 men like me
but my word is my veracity
my bond
ain't no magic wand
gonna cure all that a heart accumulates
not when stake after stake
has been driven into its center
funny what a person remembers at times like this
a teacher in high school once said
in describing the impact and power of an atomic blast
that sand fuses into glass
I wonder if it's the kind of glass you can
toast life with
or if it reflects a life at the epicenter of a mental bomb blast
I seem 2 recall I did rather well in his class
never wanted the bell 2 ring
or the history lessons 2 end
you see
history or her-story is a friend
that will, in times of emergency
defend
motives and debunk assumptions
so with the resumption
of your life, and yes it will commence
the hurt doesn't just dissipate
but the pain makes sense
everybody who been down that road
shake your head one time
in the affirmative
like yes I can
yes I will
no I won't
no I can't
yes I can live and love again
yes I will believe in the power of love
no I won't be afraid of being hurt by love again
no I can't stop believing in the power of love 2 heal
truth be told my love is not incarcerated
but it is out on apppeal
so
check it out dawg
it's a Friday night
and my main man just called
asked whazzup
I said everything and nothing Bond
he sighed
and said quitely
yo..time 2 ride
or emotionally die
so I'm going out
but I've put myself on emotional house arrest
so I got the ankle joint
what's the point
motivation and expectation man
see
I have made it this far being Dee
not predatory
I mean
damn the club does have a Unisex lavatory
i.e.
woman and man
like a helluva lot mo goings onwnnn up in 'dere than
ummmm...washing hands
like glands
and..y'all get the picture
my mental restrictor
ain't but 4 one reason and one reason only
because when a dude is in predatory mode
all he wanna do is find a femme
and..ahem
shoot his load
and man I don't wanna see the hurt on another woman's face
the disgrace
when she wakes
and I'm like you ready to leave
trust and believe
I'm tempted as Hey-yell
but she
i.e.
the prey
might just say
around mid day
why did you hurt me like this
what did I do 2 deserve this.....disssss
and I would ask myself
Brotha Dee
what happened 2 class
and dignity
and respect
so I am gonna come correct
no pun or fun intended at all
the game
that's what it's called
but dawg
it ain't a damn game
when a woman is tryin 2 find her panties
hangin her head in shame
nah..
then it's real as rain
and just as fuckin slippery
i.e.
slimy
slithery
fake
like a maa'fuckin snake
in the garden of good and evil
and I gots 2 be good
'cuz see
I'm on appeal
and God is the judge
lest I be judged
unworthy of being
DEE

All Poetry by D.Greaves/Darwin Greaves by D.Greaves-Darwin Greaves is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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