D.Greaves http://dgreaves.posterous.com Well Veresed. Never Rehearsed. posterous.com Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:26:00 -0700 FATHERHOOD (FOR ME AND MY DAD) http://dgreaves.posterous.com/fatherhood-for-me-and-my-dad http://dgreaves.posterous.com/fatherhood-for-me-and-my-dad

Father

"Real is always gonna be real. I always loved you boys. Me and your mother done gone through alot but you're my boys. That's real."

                                                   Darwin Greaves,Sr.

 

 

I keep all of my memories in a mental lock box,

many say I'm an enigma full of paradox,

more NIG sometimes than MY, but that's okay

because my pride is ingrained,

for better or worse I will always have my daddy's name

 

Everytime I drop a paragraph,

I'm adding another letter to my epitaph,

I want a simple sentence please understand,

"Here lies D.Greaves, a great father and a good man"

 

Striving hard, adding to my legacy,

have a good time hanging with my brother G'ee,

sippin on pineapple and Hennessy,

occasionally Grey Goose and Cranberry on the rocks,

me or G'ee designated driver,

never stopped by cops

 

For a long time I've tried to represent,

I remember telling my wife, it's okay Mami,

it will be late but I'll pay the rent

once upon a time I thought my ex was heaven sent,

she still is,

I've seen women during breakups, crackup

and use the kids, she never did

 

That's the main reason I will always  love her,

gotta be another black angel, heaven sent,

to be above her,

I remember looking at her with a frown,

laying in a bed, drugged, wearing a hospital gown,

whispering, "I'm sorry D'ee I let you down"

 

Premature was Kelsey Greaves,

Lord knows I didn't have much time to grieve,

my wife struggling with a high fever,

the doctor saying, "your daugther is slowly dying, D'ee take a breather"

We tried and tried, finally

we added little Tay to our family

 

So it's not about the tears, or the years we spent,

everytime my ex and me speak, it feels like we both repent,

it's true, we will never again be together,

but I wish her love in any of her life endeavours,

we have a bond that will last forever,

I'm a daddy

 

Though at critical times my message

to my ex wasn't understood,

she knows I've never come up short on Fatherhood

 

My soul brother G'ee, if your hear me holler,

my man G'ee knows being a father ain't about saving dollars,

neither one of us were raised to be scholars,

truth be told, at different times we contemplated

that nickle plate revolver,

ladies, thoughts of suicide is how a father feels

when he can't see his seed,

what you don't know is some men internally bleed

 

We sit and rap about the cats who don't give a damn,

being a father less important that being your man,

my soul brother is my confidant,

I asked his approval before I dropped his name using this font,

you gotta know he married one hell of a lady,

despite their drama she takes damn good care of their babies,

isn't that what it's all about when it's said and done?

 

You will never see Brotha D'ee's quill,

dog a woman with maternal skillz,

but ladies, a man's spirit can be killed,

if you refuse to let him see his kids over a thrill,

or because your pizzed,

men do sit around and reminisce,

many times we take the blame for what went down,

so when it comes to being fathers, we want to be around

 

G'ee and me work too hard to be out on the town,

many nights you'll find us sleepy, homeward bound,

men like us ain't trying to be praised or wear a crown,

just remember when your mad, and this is paramount,

chill for a moment, and take into account,

a child needs to be around his father

 

Because even though we might live in different neighborhoods,

we don't want to come up short,

when it comes to fatherhood

 

For them ladies who are trippin'

you need to check that,

mess with the brother's who don't care,

we don't deserve their payback,

I know y'all get tired of dragging them into court,

they can court a femme but not pay child support,

men like us can't stand them either

 

But I know some women with enough gumption,

covince their man to go and request a child support reduction,

before the cat met her he didn't sweat all this time,

now he scream about how his ex taking too much of mine,

funny how he didn't complain before,

when he was trying to get one last lay at your bedroom door,

you told him to go home to his wife right?

 

I pay that ransom, and it can get rough,

if you don't work overtime life is rough,

and yeah, it feels like a Catch-22,

the more you work, the more they take from you,

I can tell you from first hand experience,

sometimes the courts are more indifferent,

than your ex, and that's real

 

But I make do and don't feel ashamed,

after all my child isn't to blame,

so far, thank God my ex has been real,

forget the courts, I thank God for that appeal

 

Because she knows through all of the court appearances

I withstood,

I never took a short when it came to fatherhood

 

People, you gotta excuse me if I nurse this,

I'm gonna talk about my dad in the following verses,

Pop, when I was young I thought you was an Uncle Tom

for them white cats,

I was 18, revolutionary, thinking only jet black,

my young mind couldn't grasp that you only finished the 8th grade,

and you had to drop your dignity to get us raised,

I'm sorry for what I thought about you,

it wasn't true

 

I close my eyes and see you at the kitchen table

with your favorite bottle,

knowing in about 2 or 3 hours you'd be yelling at full throttle,

calling momma bitches and whores,

falling down in hopelessness to the floor,

I know now that pain reflects in many ways,

from angry diatribes, to depression, to dismay

 

I learned that all in love is unfair,

when we fought toe to toe,

showing evidence of your love for me

by letting me drop you under a flurry of blows,

you was a grown man, you could have hurt me,

but the next day you didn't desert me,

I know that must have been difficult,

facing the neighbors, knowing what they would be saying later

 

Remember when momma kicked me in the streets,

I knew it was you pleading my case real discrete,

when I moved back home I still didn't think you deserved respect,

excuse me daddy, while my tears interject,

you wasn't doing right, but you did right enough that momma

held on to you,

you worked hard and came home when the day was through,

watching you do that is how I learned to do the same,

so I gotta give you credit when I pass some blame,

damn pop, damn! you can't even speak to me now

 

When you had that major stroke

a part of me was heartless,

my attitude was why should I finish,

I didn't start this,

part of me was lost that I never recovered,

pretty sure I can say the same about my two brothers,

but I saw you take care of my brother's kids when he couldn't,

you stood your ground when even momma said you shouldn't,

that's why my nieces and nephew love you so much,

you never got into this and that, such and such,

now I gotta admit I would get kinda nervous,

when you drank all Saturday night,

and woke up Sunday to drive them to church service,

but you didn't miss a Sunday, and when they and momma came home,

you had dinner ready and waiting,

that's the daddy to whom I should have been relating,

and I'm sorry for that

 

For the first time in 20 years I came to a block party,

huggin everybody and eating hardy,

there was music all up and down the block,

I looked up and saw your head bop,

I got up kissed you on the head and said,

"I love you pop",

you couldn't say it in return,

but I felt your love and that's why right now my eyes burn,

and I'm not ashamed to admit that, real facts

 

You taught me never to apologize for my decisions,

but how I wish I could cut the years we spent not speaking

with precision,

but I can't, we can't

 

I'm just thankful God didn't let you die,

so I can now look you right in your eyes,

and say, I LOVE YOU POP

 

Thank you for hanging in there

through the bad and good,

and teaching me through your actions about the value of FATHERHOOD

 

I always said I didn't want to grow up and act like you.

I did learn from what you did wrong. It took a while but I did.

On the real though, I learned alot more from what you did right.

I'm a better man by having you in my life. I feel that deeply.

I have your name. I'm proud of that and I will keep it in honor of you always.

I LOVE YOU POP..I LOVE YOU

 

All Poetry by D.Greaves/Darwin Greaves by D.Greaves-Darwin Greaves is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/993135/www.dgreavesthepoet.png http://posterous.com/users/1kW0JkHfQfeh Darwin Greaves D'EE Darwin Greaves