D.Greaves http://dgreaves.posterous.com Well Veresed. Never Rehearsed. posterous.com Sun, 20 Feb 2011 01:51:00 -0800 THE MAN I AM (I AM D'EE) http://dgreaves.posterous.com/the-man-i-am-i-am-dee http://dgreaves.posterous.com/the-man-i-am-i-am-dee

Dee

Here I sit

content

surrounded I am by those who know

THE MAN I AM

and accept me for the

beautiful

fractured

faulty

Dee-fiant proud Black man

I have finally become

the smoke of my vanity tossed onto the bonfire

glows red like the envy of those who seek to be me

yet refuse to confront the reality

of their mypoic vision

with a gem gutter's precision

I have shaped my black diamond heart into a pendant

I wear with honor

with an assassin's 20/10 vision

I received permission to destroy the old D'ee

what I was

or rather,

what you claimed I chose to be

with an emancipator's descision

I have broken free of rusted chains

to reclaim

my name

and refocus my aim

free of derision and pain

and now finally I am surrounded by those who know

THE MAN I AM

 

No declaration of love is needed

for we noble few seeded

ghetto fields once barren and devoid of life

no wife

ex or current

no deterrent

can break our bond forged in the battles we have fought

and survived

so my brothers

continue to imbibe

while I scribe

writing with blood captured when my heart leaked

7 days prior

from a desire

to be a fool

participating in an atmosphere of sycophantic erotic worship

never has that been me

for long ago I was told real men make love

to real women in secrecy

and tell only tales of devotion

of unconditional love and emotion

remember those

who were resold into bondage

the names we blasted on tenament walls as a remembrance

rest in peace brave soldiers

you were much bolder

than I

your only fault was believing in those professed love for you

but never bled at your side

when the rising tide

of deciet

was within mere feet

of our fortress of solitude

so what am I to conclude

as I sit with those who know

THE MAN I AM

 

Ghetto years akin to dog years

I am not 45

I am 215 years old give or take a leap year

what have we witnessed my brothers

the destruction of bonds

the exile of trust

the taste of acrid dust

the bile of misplaced lust

the Utopian dream of Camelot fictitious

as the swords we thrust

into a fantastical illusion

and despite these untimely intrusions

we could never lie

not while looking into our eyes

not reaching for the sky

not when our souls asked why

and not even when collectively we received nothing but questions

and the only answer was

the repression

of our natural selection

to be kings

the finer things

I have never sought

I never allowed my worth to be bought

or bartered

a self-starter

I have been time after time

and here finally is my reward

as I find

myself surrounded by those who know

THE MAN I AM

 

Not in words

not in blurbs

not in blogs

not in love senitment etched in logs

but in my devotion

in my emotions

in sterotypical notions

I have dispelled

hear me know

did I not live to tell

not in wishing wells

not in a damsel's fainting spell

but in the lofty place I reside

in Black Pride

in truth I relied

when through falsehood and rumor many

men have died

desptie

the sweet words whispered by women

who defied

the calling of angels to unite

and now I fight

not with pen

not to upend

not to pretend

not to bend

nor break

nor ever forsake

who I am and the promise of what I can be

I AM THE D'EE

yes indeed

I ponder much as I sit surrounded by those

who know

THE MAN I AM

 

The music of our shared birthright

lingerts upon this night

the suspicion of those outside

remains outside of our sphere

as we shed happy tears

and recall the years

apart

our hearts

filled with joy

as we recount the journey of a man

from a boy

each and every man present facing death by choice

our palms moist

with anxiety

as we

remember details

that would render even the spirit's pale

and yet

we refused to fail

refused to consign our fates to any man or woman's

Holy Grail

and yes

still our dreams do sail

for we finally have a comprehensive plan

such is my thoughts as I sit surrounded  by those

who know

THE MAN I AM

 

They ask me

why 7 days prior did you not call

why did you choose to fall

alone

why not pick up the phone

why not roam

why did you not reach out to us brother

we heard your plaintive moans

but we know

you being the man you are

you willingly decided to spar

with the demon

but damn

you could have died

your brillaint mind could have been fried

your blessings could have been denied

dammit Brother D'ee

WHY!!!

I smile and respond quietly

because.....

I AM THE D'EE

and I knew instinctively

that my pain would have caused a malestrom of mayhem

to commence

you brothers know the Obeah blessed me

with a 6th sense

I am your brother

a man without pretense

densely

layered

I compare

to no man past, present or future

yes I admit my heart was bleeding

and I sutured

it on my own

and I have grown

to accept the dynamic force I represent

but without the time spent living

within the Hades

of my misery

I would not be here

at this very moment

surrounded by those who know

THE MAN I AM

 

A reluctant leader

I have always been

yet a friend I have been

in the end

my love and undying gratitude for the women I have met

such are my words of respect

for each and every one set

the bar higher

gave me goals to reach

and dreams to aspire

need I say

they inspired

me

to be D'ee

for I have confirmed some salutations

and outright denounced accusations

to secure my station

and pour libations

to the D'ee that once was

and hell yes

from this day forward refuse to be

for even those amongst me know not

the contant evading of shots

the mental rot

the boiling pot

the cauldron of discontent

that I refuse

and what did I have to use

as defense

for refusing to be sold out for sixpence

my mind

one shaped so formidably that it is illegal

in 50 states

a fate

only God can determine

a preternatual sense of vermin

who smile

and utter blaspemous betrayal

all the while

not knowing with guile

I file

away

the time, the place

the day

not for personal retribution

but for my absolution

have they despite their treason

put a halt to my elocution

my verbosity

speaks of a singular  and spectacular curiosity

listen to me

as I speak this truth

the uncooth

must live with the absolute proof

of my rebirth

the reverse of their curse

the brothers who were not brothers

shall never find another soul sibling

like me

the women who thought so bold

to obtain a copyright

upon my my soul

have been sued

I have fought hard to retain control

of my being

thus

the man you are seeing

is an amalagamation

an independent declaration

of freedom personified

and for this man to be free

the old D'ee

had to die

and THAT is why

on this  night

I sit amongst you my brethren

 

AM I NOT PROUD

AM I NOT BRILLIANT

AM I NOT DEDICATED

AM I NOT EMANCIPATED

THE WORLD HAD A FIRM GRASP

ON MY MANHOOD

AND I FOUGHT WITH FEROCITY

REFUSING TO BE CASTRATED

SO AM I NOT A SHINING EXAMPLE

THE EPITOME

OF WHO A BLACK MAN IS

AND WHAT A BLACK MAN SHOULD BE

YES

BY THE SPIRIT'S DECREE

I AM

AND FOREVER WILL BE

THE D'EE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR

FINALLY I HAVE ASSUMED MY RIGHTFUL PLACE

AND HAVE BEEN CROWNED A KING AMONG A SELECT FEW

I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN

TO REPRESENT THE BLACK MALE ESTHETIC

AND HERE I SIT

WITH MY FAMILY

COMFORTED TO BE AMONGST THOSE

WHO TRULY KNOW

 

THE MAN I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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