Ladies and Gen-mens,
It's time 4 me to talk about something everyone DOES
but are loathe 2 discuss:
CORN CRACKIN'
BUNN BLASTIN
CUTTIN PAPER
RIM ERUPTIONS
COLON CLEANERS
I present 2 you the
SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF FARTING!
1-ladies..NEVER BRAACK in front of your man! Men BRAACK, women POOT!
See..men find it funny when women POOT!
they think it's real cute..AWWW...MY BOO POOT-TED!
BUTT
if you BRAACK he gonna git mad and say...WHY U GOTTA BRAACK LIKE THAT! DAMN YOU KNOW I GOT BAD SINUSES!
so don't ever BRAACK..stick with POOT-TING
2-In a market people always CRACK CUSTARD in aisle 2 and THEN wait for a senior citizen to enter the aisle..PROMPTLY and without rushing walk briskly to aisle 4..Hey, that's what seniors are 4..that's their purpose in life..2 blame farting in public on..WASN'T ME..IT WAS THE OLD DUDE WITH THE OXYGEN CANISTER IN HIS CART!
3-Fellas..NEVER EAT BAR-B-QUE chips before going on a date! somethin about the combination of flavoring. salt and PO-TAA-TOES. See you gonna have to BLAST BACON and you're gonna excuse yo'self and use the Men's room..
BUTT
Po-taat-toe chips farts are juicy therefore they cling 2 clothes and underwear
so..when you smile at your date and sit back down..she gonna hold her nose,
call you a NASTY BLACK MAAA--F--KA and exit stage right!
4-ladies..NEVER CREASE CUT! G-strings and farts DO NOT GO TOGETHER! See...there's no room 4 the gas 2 excape with that fabric up yo butt! So..the gas will make you bloat like it's that time of the month..bloat so bad folks will think you're pregnant. Then when you get home and want to heat up water for a cup of tea..HELL-OOO! The methane buildup will cause a spontaneous explsion in you kitchen..G-STRINGS AND CAP BLASTING DO NOT MIX!
5-Fellas..ALWAYS GRADE YOUR STINK BOMBS 2 deterime if it's time for you 2 change your diet. Eat all the burgers and hot wings you want! If you 35 and black hell you outlived your life expectation anyway...2 TEARS IN A BUCKET! EAT DAT BAD S--T!
BUTT
when you erupt smell the aroma..judge lest U be judged..contemplate its potency..and if you can't stand it..MAKE AN APPOINTMENT with your doctor
so he can shove that camera up yo WRECK-ROOM!
6-people...DO NOT FART IN CHURCH! Pews rhyme with.EEEWWWWW! See them church builders had a sense of humor..U SITTIN ON WOOD DAWG! THE BEST SPEAKERS ARE STILL MADE OF WOOD and your mahogany AZZ will cause a reverb on that pew! So a 4.5 tremor sounds like a 8.5! Might not even stank..DON'T MATTER..You will be lookin 4 a new place 2..PRAISE DA LAWD!
7-and finally...VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE...DO NOT think you can get away with slippin a gasser past a DOO-KEY moment! PLEASE..SAVE YO'SEF THE EMBARRASSMENT! GO TAKE A DUMP QUICK! 'cuz if..IFFFF you attempt 2 pass one past a DOOK-DOOK you gonna sho nuff S--IT YO PANTS YA HEARD! now what do you do..YO MATURE, KOOL, CLASSY AZZ DONE SHAAT YOSELF! U can lose yo job faster than calling your boss a cross dresser on Facebook ova that S--IT..
so
IF YOU WANNA STAY EMPLOYED
DEE-PLOY THE DOOK-KEY
hope these 7 points help you in the future
I wish you sucess...and
HAPPY FARTING !