it seems we have crossed the rubicon
walls have been erected around hearts
and fences built around minds
does it truly matter how we reached this point
the question in my manic mind is
what now
wounds that were slow to heal have now
been reopened
and for what purpose
i said it before
who is right
when all around us is nothing but wrong
do i have an opinion on who is so called right
yes i do
but i dont shout my alligence
i show it
and 4 those who cannot see through
myopic lenses i ask you this
where am i
where do you hear my voice
is my descision a final choice
the only finality i know of and
how come to unfortunately be close 2 is
death
the shadow of it casts a pall over
my black experience
beef begot someome feeling miffed
begot a rift begot the devils gift
of final conflict
4 those of yall who grew up around it
yall know the shit is sick
and it is an eternal sickness that will
continue to eat and devour the bonds
of our diaspora
so who is right
i know one is being righteous
and others need 2 sight adjust
and i observe that individual because
ultimately we are one and the same
we just have a different way of executing
our game plan
have we ever been at odds
i really dont know if our internal conflict
was imagined or real
but i know this
what ended it was both of us stepping back
and not seeing the damage we could cause
to those who care about us
but the damage we could cause to each other
you see
we know each other better than anyone
around us
trust what i say
we can play
with others
spar with others
but we cannot cross the rubicon
at odds with each other
why...because we both know what a rift
really is
we have sucked the same poisonous fumes
and choked on the same bile
all the while
standing and saying here i am
do your worse
and do it well praytell
that is the definition of respect
not agreeing
not preening
not even love or caring
respect..what men seek from other men of honor
and demand from those with the potential
to be honorable
there is another i grieve for
not because i am sorry for
nor erecting statues for
nor extolling the virtues of
i dont need to do that
many times this person proved to be virtuous
now i stand here
after crossing the rubicon i cannot deny
what i have seen
if that is what it takes to be a member of the team
then dammit
make me a free agent
i dont feel sorry for adults who live with choices
they make whether in the heat of battle
or in quiet repose
i dont suppose
assume
or infer
i observe and determine my descision
upon the facts presented
quite aware all the while that facts are
based on perspective
so what is my perspective
not that it matters
i see someone i once admired and still do
in some respects who held on too darn long
in an attempt to be vindicated
but we as people make choices
when we cross the rubicon
pro or con
what is an ally today is an enemy tomorrow
we have seen that serario played out
in our private lives and in world history
my question is
what is the final tally
the cost
of being right at all cost
did anyone ever truly emerge victorious
in the crusades
the christains fighting the muslims
over the holy land
damn
think about that
how sick is that
by the way no one emerged victorious
unless you count nine eleven as a victory for them
and our response as a victory for america
and the christain ideal
someone whom i have grown quite fond of
said i was a fencewalker in many ways
and either advertantly or inadvertantly
compared me to others as evidence of
what i am not
i admit it shook me for a minute
the people i have grown fond of in the set
do they think that as well
and then
my daughter walked in
and i contemplated as i am prone to do
when i walked away from half a key
and chose to live in poverty and free
rather than hunted and ultimately re sold
into slavery by way of the penetentiary
where you there when i took that stand
hell no
when i picked up a quill
and used the muse
to calm a confused and dangerous mind
allowing me to live in pain and those
who hurt me to survive my wrath
where you there when i took that stand
hell no
when i ran to a woman and she ran to me
away from families
who somehow simultaineously
underestimated our net worth
and made something work for 2 decades
that honestly
based on our personalities should have lasted
two days
where you there when i took that stand
hell no
when i made the most difficult desision a man
can make and turned my back to my mother
my proud black mother
so my mate and i could live or die
based on our choice and ours alone
when i looked at the damn phone
and wonderd why for 6 long ass years
where you there when i took that stand
hell no
when all was lost due to us
and i had to pick myself the fuck up
because my daughter was either gonna be a victim
or a survivor of that conflict
and i ignored the people closest to me
practically calling me a pussy
a punk
an idiot to not fight back against what
a woman who made a choice and was living
in alternate heaven and hells
just as i was
if i had destroyed her
what could i mean to you
and utlimately is that the kind of man you
want by you side as we look over
from crossing the rubicon
where you there when i took that stand
hell
the fuck no
and still i love you
and why
because you dont know what you dont know
you have an opinon
as do i
what is my opinion of this rift
this
when all is is said and done
all men and women should be prepared
to lose
and be graceful in defeat
we as a people laud the victorious
for they show honor
and bravery
we as a people fret over the fate of the vanquished
but only if they show honor and bravery
in defeat
for in this realm
unlike war
unlike urban battles
unlike domestic dispute
unlike blood brother against blood brother
or sister against sister
in this battle
on this day
to my valid estimation
no one has died to be right
or been crucified for being wronged
i woke up this morning
said my prayers
and kissed my sleeping child
she woke up with a smile
and we started our day together
as i kissed her as she departed for school
i thought to myelf
i am proud of you
because you took a stand
as i am doing now
looking across the rubicon
and shaking my head
as i greet my set and ask
what
the hell happened
deep down i know
camelot is fiction
the waters we cross as we make life choices
and artistic choices are deep and storm tossed
some have drowned
some chose to
do what you think is right
i am not one to judge
i am too fucked up to judge anyone
but do not look in disgust
as i your brother dee pour libations
to relationships lost forever
as we crossed the rubicon