D.Greaves

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    A BROTHER SPEAKS, FINALLY (THE RIFT)

    it seems we have crossed the rubicon

    walls have been erected around hearts

    and fences built around minds

    does it truly matter how we reached this point

    the question in my manic mind is

    what now

    wounds that were slow to heal have now 

    been reopened

    and for what purpose

    i said it before

    who is right 

    when all around us is nothing but wrong

    do i have an opinion on who is so called right

    yes i do

    but i dont shout my alligence

    i show it

    and 4 those who cannot see through

    myopic lenses i ask you this

    where am i

    where do you hear my voice

    is my descision a final choice

    the only finality i know of and 

    how come to unfortunately be close 2 is

    death

    the shadow of it casts a pall over 

    my black experience

    beef begot someome feeling miffed

    begot a rift begot the devils gift

    of final conflict

    4 those of yall who grew up around it

    yall know the shit is sick

    and it is an eternal sickness that will

    continue to eat and devour the bonds

    of our diaspora

    so who is right

    i know one is being righteous 

    and others need 2 sight adjust

    and i observe that individual because

    ultimately  we are one and the same

    we just have a different way of executing

    our game plan

    have we ever been at odds

    i really dont know if our internal conflict 

    was imagined or real

    but i know this

    what ended it was both of us stepping back

    and not seeing the damage we could cause

    to those who care about us

    but the damage we could cause to each other

    you see

    we know each other better than anyone 

    around us

    trust what i say

    we can play 

    with others 

    spar with others

    but we cannot cross the rubicon

    at odds with each other

    why...because we both know what a rift

    really is

    we have sucked the same poisonous fumes

    and choked on the same bile

    all the while

    standing and saying here i am

    do your worse

    and do it well praytell

    that is the definition of respect

    not agreeing

    not preening

    not even love or caring

    respect..what men seek from other men of honor

    and demand from those with the potential 

    to be honorable

    there is another i grieve for

    not because i am sorry for

    nor erecting statues for

    nor extolling the virtues of

    i dont need to do that

    many times  this person proved to be virtuous

    now i stand here

    after crossing the rubicon i cannot deny

    what i have seen

    if that is what it takes to be a member of the team

    then dammit

    make me a free agent

    i dont feel sorry for adults who live with choices

    they make whether in the heat of battle 

    or in quiet repose

    i dont suppose

    assume

    or infer

    i  observe and determine my descision

    upon the facts presented

    quite aware all the while that facts are 

    based on perspective

    so what is my perspective

    not that it matters

    i see someone i once admired and still do

    in some respects who held on too darn long

    in an attempt to be vindicated

    but we as people make choices 

    when we cross the rubicon

    pro or con

    what is an ally today is an enemy tomorrow

    we have seen that serario played out 

    in our private lives and in world history

    my question is

    what is the final tally

    the cost 

    of being right at all cost

    did anyone ever truly  emerge victorious 

    in the crusades

    the christains fighting the muslims 

    over the holy land

    damn

    think about that

    how sick is that

    by the way  no one emerged victorious

    unless you count nine eleven as a victory for them

    and our response as a victory for america

    and the christain ideal

    someone whom i have grown quite fond of

    said i was a fencewalker  in many ways

    and either advertantly or inadvertantly 

    compared me to others as evidence of 

    what i am not

    i admit it shook me for a minute

    the people i have grown fond of in the set

    do they think that as well

    and then 

    my daughter walked in

    and i contemplated as i am prone to do

    when i walked away from half a key

    and chose to live in poverty and free

    rather than hunted and ultimately re sold

    into slavery by way of the penetentiary

    where you there when i took that stand

    hell no

    when i picked up a quill 

    and used the muse

    to calm a confused and dangerous mind

    allowing me to live in pain and those 

    who hurt me to survive my wrath

    where you there when i took that stand

    hell no

    when i ran to a woman and she ran to me

    away from families

    who somehow simultaineously

    underestimated our net worth

    and made something work for 2 decades

    that honestly

    based on our personalities should have lasted

    two days 

    where you there when i took that stand

    hell no

    when i made the most difficult desision a man

    can make and turned my back to my mother

    my proud black mother

    so my mate and i could live or die

    based on our choice and ours alone

    when i looked at the damn phone

    and wonderd why for 6 long ass years

    where you there when i took that stand

    hell no

    when all was lost due to us

    and i had to pick myself the fuck up

    because my daughter was either gonna be a victim

    or a survivor of that conflict

    and i ignored the people closest to me

    practically calling me a pussy

    a punk

    an idiot  to not fight back against what

    a woman who made a choice and was living 

    in alternate heaven and hells

    just as i was

    if i had destroyed her

    what could i mean to you 

    and utlimately is that the kind of man you 

    want by you side as we look over

    from crossing the rubicon

    where you  there when i took that stand

    hell 

    the fuck  no

    and still i love you

    and why

    because you dont know what you dont know

    you have an opinon

    as do i

    what is my opinion of this rift

    this

    when all is is said and done

    all men and women should be prepared

    to lose

    and be graceful in defeat

    we as  a people laud the victorious 

    for they show honor

    and bravery

    we as a people fret over the fate of the vanquished

    but only if they show honor  and bravery 

    in defeat

    for in this realm

    unlike  war

    unlike  urban battles

    unlike domestic dispute

    unlike  blood brother against blood brother

    or sister against sister

    in this battle

    on this day

    to my valid estimation

    no one has died to be right

    or been crucified for being wronged

     

    i woke up this morning

    said my prayers

    and kissed my sleeping child

    she woke up with a smile

    and we started our day together

    as i kissed her as she departed for school

    i thought to myelf

    i am proud of you

    because  you took a stand

    as i am doing now

    looking across the rubicon

    and shaking my head

    as  i greet my set and ask 

    what

    the hell happened

    deep down i know

    camelot is fiction

    the waters we cross as we make life choices

    and artistic choices are deep and storm tossed

    some have drowned

    some chose to 

    do what you think is right

    i am not one to judge

    i am too fucked up to judge anyone

    but do not look in disgust 

    as i your brother  dee pour  libations

    to relationships lost forever

    as we crossed the rubicon

    • 25 February 2011
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    Thanks for stopping by and visiting my site. I hope you enjoy the poetic works shared here.Please feel free to leave a comment and subscribe. You can also find me on Facebook under Darwin Greaves. While there, stop by and like my fan page. Listed under D.Greaves the Poet.

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